Pour Some Sugar On Me

Every morning I drop off Quinn on the north side of school and then drive around and drop of Liam.  Quinn loves when I do this and it's something I started a few weeks after Sean was born, but only on the mornings Sean wasn't screaming.  If Sean wasn't happy, then Quinn would have to get out on Liam's side and walk around.  And now that Sean is pretty much always happy, Quinn is thrilled to get a ride around the school.  Anyway...

This morning we dropped off Quinn and "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard came on the radio.  Liam asked me to turn it up and if we had time to wait 'til it was over.  And we did have time.  So we did.

Liam - pointing out that the book that the Easter Bunny brought 

him has TWO awards, "the author must be really good!"

Thankful

1. This guy.


Sean Adam born on November 1st. He's already bought out the best in all of us.


2. This guy.


Quinn. He's so responsible, helpful, and a smart one too. He never ceases to amaze me.

3. This guy.

 Liam. He's caring, empathetic, and loves to make people laugh. He's turning into quite the big brother.

4. Mike. This past year proved his strength and love for his family.

5. Close Family. From grandparents to aunts and uncles. Our family has really stepped it up since liams stroke.

6. Distant family. Cousins, aunts and uncles... People I'm not sure how we're related. We received so many well wishes from distant family members after Liam's stroke. So good to know we're loved and thought of.

7. Old friends. There for us to watch Quinn, do some research for us, and listen to us vent.

8. New friends. I'm amazed at this one. Parents of Quinn's school friends I know now are friends I can rely on. From ice cream being left for us to watching Quinn while Liam has therapy. And now.... My new friends are helping out with the baby by bringing Quinn and Liam home after school.

9. The ability to ask for help. I had to work on this and continue to work in it. I'm usually the one offering help not seeking it out. But I've gotten a million times better and am so thankful I can do this (and that we've got an amazing network of friends and family to help us).

10. Good health insurance. It hasn't been easy, but our insurance is covering all of Liam's therapy (unlimited visits til he's six).

11. Health advocate. Mike has a health advocate at his work that has been our go between with the insurance company. She's been great at making sure things get covered.

12. Mike's forethought. Or his ability to make sure our family is prepared. He took out "catastrophic insurance" on all of us. We were able to file, and receive, a claim for Liam's stroke.

13. Doulas. Having a doula at the birth of Sean was one of the best decisions we've made. It was wonderful having another support person in the room with us.

14. Birth photographer. Another excellent decision. The photographs captured that day are priceless.

15. Placenta encapsulation. Look it up. I've never had such a good recovery after any of my kids births.

16. Early darkness. Allows me to go to bed at 7pm and get some much needed sleep before my "shift" with Sean begins.

17. The nursing instinct. Amazing how when the doctor places Sean on my chest and he instantly started rooting. These babies know what they're doing and it's such an amazing thing.

18. Coconut oil. For sore nipples. That's all I'll say about that.

19. Hot showers. When given a choice between eating, sleeping, pumping, or showering I'll almost always choose a nice hot shower. Makes me feel like I can get through the day.

20. Quinn's teacher. She realized in which areas he needs to be challenged and is the first teacher to truly challenge him.

21. Liam's therapists. From the private therapists to the school therapists. They're all working together and I agree with all of their methods.

22. Liam's teacher. She's been great with him and at the beginning of the year really made us feel welcome to the classroom. She's honest with us an is challenging him while still keeping in mind his areas of weakness.

23. Navistar. Mike's worked there for almost twelve years. Even though he used most of his vacation days post stroke, his boss has been understanding about any sick days he's needed since then. Also - the good insurance I mentioned earlier comes from here. Also, the hours are flexible, so mike goes in early and comes home early.

24. My moby wrap. Totally helps with Sean's fussy hours. Put him in. Vacuum. And voila. He's asleep!

25. Christmas lights. We might just leave our tree up all winter long. I love the light given by the tree in the middle of the night while nursing sean.

26. Online shopping. That's how it's getting done this year.

27. My iPad. Makes it easy to read a book while nursing.

28. Our local library. We've really taken advantage of it this past year. Movies, tv episodes (currently on season five of mad men), and books (both digital and "real") for me and the boys - I love it.

29. Vacations. Mike was complaining about using too many vacation days for all out vacations this past year. An then we realized, if there's anything to complain about too many vacations isn't so bad.

30. Our health. We've definitely had a hard year. But, overall, we're doing well. And for that I'm thankful.

 

 

The Story

One disservice that I think parents tend to do is to not talk with their kids about tragic events or things that might seem like something they don't need to know about.

Kids often ask questions and too often those questions are dodged by parents having the best of intentions. 

After talking with the team at Liam's school I wrote a little story about Liam's stroke and his recovery - meant for kids.  There's one part I'm not proud of - I don't say that the doctors feel the vaccine caused the stroke.  I do not want other parents being upset with me when their child says they don't want a shot!  Of course, I could have said Liam had reaction to a medicine...

Anyway, here's a link to the story if you're interested.  It would be neat if I had an illustrator and could actually make a book.

Speaking of avoiding topics with kids - have you seen this?  It's a post I wrote a long time ago, but one of my favorites.

Talking to Your Child About Death

Perhaps the worst thing we can do as parents is to avoid the topic of death with our children. Eventually, like it or not, somebody (or some pet) that your child knows and/or loves will die. That's just the way it works.

Before your child needs to experience this first hand, it is important for them to be familiar about the topic of death and what it actually means. This can be accomplished through songs, books, and even movies (careful - some Disney movies make it seem as if somebody is dead, but then, voila! a spell is broken and they are fine, just fine. This can be very confusing for a child.).

Here are some terms for helping children understand death. (I only suggest only using these terms if a child starts asking questions. There is no need to sit down for dinner tonight and talk about death - unless of course, you've just read a book where somebody or some pet dies and your child is curious.)

Physical death - death of a body; the body stops walking, doesn't eat, doesn't hurt, doesn't poop anymore.

If somebody in your child's life does die, it's important to:

• use the word "Dead". Make sure you do not say "lost" or "past on"
• make sure the child knows the person that died doesn't hurt.
• make sure they know the following - death is irreversible, permanent, painless
• let/encourage your child to ask questions
• have books about death and be sure to have read them already (list below)
• let children participate in closure/help set up ending practices
• allow children to grieve in their own way
• share feelings with your child (it's OKAY to be sad in front of children)
• provide support for your child
• maintain the child's daily routine
• death can be a celebration
• remember it is not the age of the child when deciding if the child should attend a funeral service, but rather the relationship between the child and the deceased.
• answer honestly when asked if you are going to die. "No, I'm not going to die right now."
• establish memories ("This is the first birthday since your father died.")

Talk about death before it happens. Some people avoid books where people or pets die - I seek them out. One of Quinn's favorite books is "Tough Boris". It's a great little book about a tough pirate - who's so tough, but then his parrot dies, and the pirate cries, and cries, and cries. He was familiar with this book before our dog died and asked me to read it many times afterwards. Here's a list of other books that are appropriate for young children.

• Tough Boris - Mem Fox
• Wilfred Gordon MacDonald Partridge - Mem Fox
• Sophie - Mem Fox
• You Hold Me and I'll Hold You - Jo Carson
• Old Pig - Margaret Will
• Go Tell Aunt Rhody - Aliki
• Everett Anderson's Goodbye - Lucille Clifton
• Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs - Tomie dePaola
• Miss Tizzy - Libba Moore Gray
• Remember Me - Margaret Wild
• Still My Grandma - V. Van Den abbeete
• The Goodbye Boat - Mary Joslin

As well as reading, there are many songs that talk about death. One of my personal favorites is "Go Tell Aunt Rhody". Sometimes Quinn will ask me to sing that one to him as I'm tucking him into bed.

Children's Understanding of Death (stages)

Stage I (ages 2-4) - At this stage children don't believe death is final. It is temporary and reversible. They attempt to equate it with something they know (sleep, parents going on vacation, etc.) They are more interested in what death means right now (person is never coming bac) rather than how it happened.

Stage II (ages 4 - 10) - Children at this stage understand that everything that lives will die, although they may or may not apply this to themselves. This is fine and normal. They play many imaginary games like ghost, superheroes, and role play in an attempt to understand death and to deal with their fears. Children will often play dead and pretend to have funerals and other practices (if they are familiar with this).

Stage II (ages 10...) - At this stage, children understand that death is personal, inevitable, universal and final. They may have fears related to this understanding. At all ages, part of the fear of death, for children, is that they will be separated from their parents.

*Much of this information was gathered from workshops given by Tom Hunter and Bev Bos. And for any of my readers in Southern California, Bev Bos is an amazing women, with an amazing preschool in Roseville. I encourage you to check it out, fall in love, and sign up for the waiting list.

House Rules

I just finished creating this list of "house rules" using my favorite scrapbooking software.  Some of the ideas for rules I saw on pinterest and others I thought of myself.  I hope my boys learn to understand the last one - in relation to their behavior towards others, but also in relation to how they treat their bodies.  We have multiple conversations throughout the day about why we eat what we do and why we avoid eating and drinking certain things.  Quinn has reached the age where he insists that when he grows up and makes his own decisions he's planning on eating McDonald's every day with an extra large Pepsi.  (I will say I'd rather him drink a regular Pepside than a Diet, but still...) Some might say we're encouraging this rebellion by not allowing him these things as a treat once in awhile and I need to insist that we do offer treats, but not "treats" that Mike and I both consider to be toxic and addicting.  Someday I'll write a post about what we avoid in our foods/drinks and why, but until then.... take a look at our house rules and let me know if you see any typos or if something looks "off".  I'm planning on having it made into a wall print, framing it, and hanging it in a much used room of our little house.